Yeah, it’s been a slow week. Well, not in the rest of the world but in my little world it has been. I’ve been leaving before 6pm at work and for me that’s like a new lease on life. So, I’ve decided to pick up on the little (yet stupid) things people do in corporate america that irritate me.
1. Look down while walking. Ever notice how if you are in a narrow corridor (between cubes, hallways, etc.) how people will look at you from a distance, avert their eyes for about 75% of the rest of the trip towards you, and then look up for a brief second to make eye contact? Then, they might even whisper a “hello” (more on that later)
2. Pretend not to see you and hit the “close door” button on the elevator. Yeah buddy, you saw me. I was practically riding your friggin’ heels the entire walk across the parking deck. You smug SOB.
3. Whispering “excuse me.” Or really, “scuse me” at a barely audible level…Just say “Excuse me!” I’m not asking for a mean “move over you louse” comment but speak up! Get a spine! I’ve got a loud mouth and I can’t hear you as I discuss conspiracy theories with coworkers.
4. Following up an email with a personal visit. You sent it when- 10 minutes ago? My God, I’ve been so selfish researching the last 3 things you asked me about- I haven’t even had a chance to take full appreciation of your beautiful prose! Why, thank you for blessing me with your presence! And what’s this- you’re going to summarize your email for me as well?! My, I’m a lucky guy. How efficient.
5. Only being willing to go out to lunch on Friday. I mean, c’mon. Live a little. Go to friggin’ Moe’s on a Wednesday. You used to be in a fraternity- you can handle a Triple Lindy in the middle of the week.
6. Arriving to a meeting 10 minutes late and then asking for a recap of everything since. Sorry you “had an imporant client call”- I’m not here to fill you in. Show up on time like the rest of us. No, I don’t care. We always save the notes from these meetings- go check it out your damn self. Too bad. No, I’m sorry- you’re not a child.
7. Using business words. Too many to mention here, but “bubble up,” “moving forward,” “line of sight,” “touch-base”- yeah, all that. Also, triple word score for “touch-base” since it also references a sport. Another take on this would be something related to war like, “Bill, I need you to go into battle for me during the sales call- you’re the best at explaining the web portal interface.”
Ok, I thought I had more…feel free to leave some. Had to get that off my chest.
1 comment so far ↓
I hate the fact that I can relate to what you are saying here. I always hear sports and war references. And what I love most is how many meetings it takes to discuss a plan of action and how long it takes to do a ‘post-action’ recap, etc but not much time spent actually doing anything at all. I think people in corporate america just like to hear themselves talk. But I have to say- a suit and tie, a cocky laugh, the WSJ and a cup of coffee doesn’t make you a genius. Sure there are some great business minds in today’s economy that are truly brilliant and inventive but chances are Bob, the strange guy who always walks with his head down and grumbles about who left something on the copier and who’s yogurt is spoiled in ther ugly 1970’s refrigerator is not going to be one of the economy’s masterminds.